


distances

by kyeoesc



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Break Up, M/M, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Slice of Life, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22183177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyeoesc/pseuds/kyeoesc
Summary: Things aren't the way they were, but Yeosang doesn't miss Wooyoung. Not really.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	distances

Suggested music: [ Summertime In Paris by Jaden, WILLOW ](https://youtu.be/8rL4jorQlXw)

"A long distance relationship is so hard. All you and Mingi do is fight on the phone," Hongjoong scolded Yunho, who was driving. Yeosang was listening to some music, and upon hearing that statement he clicked on the button on the side of his phone, raising the volume just a bit more to drown out the voices. Seonghwa was on the front seat next to Yunho, and they discussed how Mingi was going to move to Seoul next month and Yunho and him can finally live together and be the happy couple they were meant to be. 

Yeosang thought about how he never heard Yunho and Mingi fight. _You don't fight when you're far from each other,_ he thought to himself. _You fight when you're close by and it's still near impossible to see each other._

Wooyoung lived in Ilsan; a bus ride away to Seoul, and two stops from centre city on one of the main lines to Yeosang's apartment. That was the problem.

He met Wooyoung as a trainee in Seoul. Yeosang still remembers the first time Wooyoung pecked him on the cheek, and when they were so used to each other they kissed all the time - sometimes small sweet pecks, and sometimes long passionate ones. They were so in love, and it all seems like such a long time ago for Yeosang.

Yeosang had to go back to Pohang for a few months and Wooyoung had to take a break from his training. It was understandable that they couldn't see each other as often back then. The phone calls were bittersweet. He wanted to see Wooyoung so bad, but he thought nothing had changed - they still loved each other, it's just that they have a different life right now. Wooyoung would still text Yeosang when he's bored or if something interesting happened. Yeosang too would end up texting Wooyoung "wyd" when he thought of him. Yeosang knows how Yunho feels. Through such simple texts he could feel the warmth through a phone. The distance was painful, but it was all worth it.

Then Yeosang moved back to Seoul, and Wooyoung was still staying with his parents in Ilsan. They met up in the first week Yeosang was in Seoul. They talked about a bunch of random things - they're all caught up with each other's lives anyway, with all the texting Wooyoung even knows what Yeosang had for breakfast. Somehow it felt different.

Wooyoung held Yeosang's hand again. To Yeosang, it felt cold. The good morning text he sent this morning felt warmer than his hands. After awhile Yeosang pulled back his hand awkwardly. Wooyoung was hurt, but he took it as Yeosang being his reserved self, as he usually is.

When they separated at the train station, Wooyoung leaned in for a kiss, and Yeosang gave a short and sweet peck. He smiled at Wooyoung softly, and Wooyoung smiled back, his dimples deep into his cheeks.

"I love you," Wooyoung said.

"Love you too," Yeosang replied and waved as he got on his train. 

It was weird. _Maybe I'm just tired,_ Yeosang thought. _We'll be like normal again after a few more dates_.

Meeting up wasn't as easy as Yeosang thought. Yeosang hated going out on Sundays - it was his alone time, just video games and sleeping. Wooyoung was living with his family so Saturdays were usually filled with mall visits and bringing his younger brother for playdates. Weekdays were hard because Yeosang was still training, and on an easy day he'd have the first half of the day free, but Wooyoung didn't want to take public transport in the morning with the working class. They couldn't find a common ground; someone had to sacrifice something, and somehow it was never worth it for such short periods of time to spend together.

One week, Yeosang had two days in a row of free mornings. He suggested Wooyoung come on one of those days. Wooyoung hesitated.

" _We'll see_ " he texted back. Yeosang was frustrated. 

" _I guess you dont really wanna meet me then_ " Yeosang replied. He dropped his phone next to him and closed his eyes, trying to ignore all the angry and self-demeaning thoughts in his head. Soon his phone buzzed. He waited a few seconds before lifting his phone up to read the notification. It only read " _Huh?_ ". 

Yeosang was furious. Did he really need to spell it out? He stared at the text for a long time, trying to think of what to say. In the end he left Wooyoung on read and tried to close his eyes again.

" _What do you mean lol"_ Wooyoung texted. Yeosang didn't know if he wanted to reply him and potentially start a fight (which he already initiated anyway, but Wooyoung was holding back) or completely ignore him and leave the matter at hand for another day. Yeosang was too frustrated to hold back today.

" _Is it so hard to take the bus here?_ " Yeosang finally replied. He didn't know if he should add on, or if he should continue letting Wooyoung figure out what he meant and try to fix things. He didn't expect for Wooyoung to retaliate. 

" _Lol we can always meet on Sunday if you want_ " Wooyoung texted back. Yeosang felt blood rushing to his face. A sudden pang of guilt and embarrassment rushed through his veins. He started the banter but he didn't want this to go on. Suddenly Yeosang felt like an annoying brat, but he was so angry at Wooyoung for being so stubborn (as if he wasn't just as hard headed himself), and wasn't honesty the best policy? They should talk their feelings out, right? Yeosang felt like he would burst if he kept thinking about it so he told Wooyoung that he can figure something out for Sunday if Wooyoung really wanted to. This time, Yeosang gave in to Wooyoung. He wondered if Wooyoung would do the same in the future for him. 

When they were training together Yeosang's apartment was on the same street as Wooyoung's - 5 blocks away, but it wasn't too far off. Wooyoung would bring a video game to Yeosang's one day, and the next Yeosang would go to his place to give him back the game, with the addition of some dumplings he bought on his way home. Then Wooyoung would come over bringing spring onions and pepper paste to Yeosang's for a meal they were planning to cook together. By winter Yeosang would walk with Wooyoung to his apartment, grabbing each other by the shoulders every few seconds to keep each other warm. One night, Wooyoung held Yeosang close as they were saying goodbye and kissed him, and so Yeosang stayed over instead. Soon, going back and forth between the apartments was a regular thing. They didn't know if it was an official relationship - they never declared anything, but people had their suspicions. 

Wooyoung was frustrated about a particular dance that they were practicing one time. Yeosang told him that they should just go home for the night, and Wooyoung reluctantly followed. They were waiting for the bus when Yeosang was saying that Wooyoung shouldn't worry too much - he always pulls it off in the end. When Wooyoung kept quiet, he proceeded to tell him about a song he's been practicing but couldn't get his voice to work the way he wanted it to, just to let Wooyoung know he's not alone.

"You don't have to worry about that. You won't be a main vocalist anyway."

Yeosang felt blood flush from his face. He knew he wasn't the best singer, and he knew that being an idol meant he would most probably be given the visual position - people never stopped complimenting his doll-like features, he won't deny that. Of course he too had made jokes about this - about how he'll just rely on his face to debut when he's too frustrated about practice. The situation was different though. They weren't in a group, huddled in the practice room, sipping juice boxes, joking around like boys do. He was consoling Wooyoung, but instead Wooyoung thought it was a good time to mock Yeosang.

"I work hard too, you know," Yeosang replied in a low voice, but rough on the edges. "I _want_ to work hard. I want to be good, like you. But yea, I guess I'm just a face huh."

Wooyoung kept quiet. He knew he said the wrong thing, and didn't want to make things worse. It worked because Yeosang cooled a bit, the cold autumn air bringing his temper down.

"Don't joke around like that again," Yeosang sighed. "It really hurts, you know?"

"Sorry. I tend to joke around aggressively with people I'm close with."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Yeosang nagged. 

"You don't think we're close?" Wooyoung asked, his round eyes looking up at Yeosang. The boy felt a bit flustered. 

"There's nothing special going on between us," Yeosang tried to push it away. "I mean, would you really say that to someone you really care about?"

"I…" Wooyoung tried to find the right words. "I want you to be someone special to me. I care about you."

Wooyoung reached out to hold Yeosang's hand. Yeosang's eyes widen, then trailed to the ground. He was embarrassed, but he was happy too. It felt warm. 

"Okay," was all he could manage. They held onto each other’s hands on the bus, appreciating each other's warmth.

Those times felt so sweet, so warm, it made Yeosang feel all fuzzy on the inside. _Maybe my heart turned to stone in Pohang,_ he thought to himself.

They went for a food market date that Sunday. Walking along Gwangjang Market, they picked a bunch of things to eat and brought them to a nearby park - it was the best idea of a picnic in the middle of Seoul in the late summer. Wooyoung ate a piece of rice cake while walking out of the market.

"Is it good?" Yeosang asked. Wooyoung responded by offering to feed Yeosang one, his mouth still chewing his food. Yeosang was slightly embarrassed but he bit onto the rice cake anyway, looking away as he chewed. Yeosang felt like these were the things that made him like Wooyoung, and when they were comfortable like this, he was happy.

At the park Wooyoung talked about his family, and how they told him to take the idol route more seriously, since he's not getting any younger.

"Are you going to start training again?" Yeosang asked, biting into a chicken foot.

"Yea, most probably," Wooyoung answered. "The company said I can come back whenever within the time the contract is still valid."

"That's good," Yeosang said. "You can move back to Seoul."

It was a month since and Wooyoung hadn't gotten back into training. It worried Yeosang but he didn't want to pressure him. Wooyoung can be sensitive sometimes and Yeosang didn't want to say anything that could upset him, that might make him do something he doesn't want to do. It was tiring; every time Yeosang asked it was a simple "idk" or "we'll see". Yeosang was just 'someone special' that he 'loves'; could he really say anything more? 

"Wooyoung," Yeosang called excitedly on the phone one day, late into the day after practice. "They're going to fly us out to L.A. for training next month. I think we're gonna debut real soon!"

"That sounds so cool," Wooyoung replied enthusiastically. "Who's going?"

The two were used to long distance relationships so it wasn't much to be away from each other for a month. In the States Yeosang felt something in him grow - watching Yunho being chosen as one of the best dancers, Yeosang wanted to improve so much more. That way when they debut as a team he wouldn't lose to Yunho. He craved the stage so much more than before, so with every sweat that dripped down his back, he danced harder, perfected every movement, making sure he hits all of them on beat. It was a life-changing experience.

When he got back, he agreed to whatever Wooyoung proposed as a date. He just wanted to talk about the entire experience with him. They met at a cafe on the outskirts of Seoul, so they met in the middle. Maybe they were finally getting the whole distance thing figured out.

Yeosang didn't know where to start. He told Wooyoung a lot already through text, but there were certain things where he could only explain face to face. But now that Wooyoung's in front of him, the whole month seems like a tiring blur of hard work, with highlights of sightseeing and filming a music video. After several attempts of telling stories that didn’t seem so interesting anymore, he ended up asking Wooyoung how his month went. It was the usual.

"You haven't gotten back to the company yet?" Yeosang had to ask. 

"No, not yet."

"When does your contract end?"

"In about 3 months."

Even if Wooyoung joined now, after 3 months they're going to ask if Wooyoung wants to renew his contract, which means another year of training before any word about debuting. They were quiet for a bit.

"Do you know what you wanna do?" Yeosang asked.

"Not really," Wooyoung said, almost sighing, but he was tense too. Yeosang can see that he didn't enjoy any of this. Wooyoung fools around a lot, but Yeosang thought Wooyoung was serious about becoming an idol and that it was one thing Wooyoung wouldn't joke about. Looks like he was wrong about that.

"Do what makes you happy," Yeosang said simply, sipping on his iced caramel latte.

"Okay," Wooyoung replied, killing the conversation.

Yeosang looked out the window. His heart ached, but he couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe it was the disappointment, or maybe it was the loss of respect he had for Wooyoung, or maybe it was the worry and sadness he had for the boy. It was frustrating because he had his own dreams to chase and worry about, why does he have to carry the burden of worrying for Wooyoung's too? He wouldn't even take a packed bus to come and see Yeosang.

 _This isn't good for me,_ Yeosang thought. _I need to end this relationship._

He couldn't do it on that day, because he just got back from the States and that day was supposed to be a reunion, not a farewell. He waited for other chances to meet up, but it was hard, and with every text Yeosang just got more and more frustrated and angry at Wooyoung. He would erupt at every response he got from Wooyoung that wasn't up to his expectations; either when he shares a post about a social issue and asked about Wooyoung's opinion, or if he talked about something that bothered him and expected Wooyoung to console him. He knew that everything he did made it look like he was trying to make Wooyoung hate him. To Yeosang's dismay, Wooyoung didn’t bring it up. Why does he have to be so nice? 

One day Yeosang mentioned it in the middle of a texting fight without even realizing it.

" _I dont know if i can stay with you anymore if you keep acting like this_ " he started. " _You cant be serious about anything_ "

" _Are you saying you want to break up?_ " Wooyoung replied, ignoring the second sentence (he got used to this statement - Yeosang used it too often lately). 

Yeosang stared at his screen for awhile. He wondered why he felt relief instead of anger or frustration or agony. Maybe he was just tired of all the arguments at this point, and maybe Wooyoung was too. 

" _Im sorry_ " Yeosang replied.

" _You really wanna break up huh_ " Wooyoung asked again. 

" _Yes_ " 

" _I dont want to but if you really want to i guess i wont stop yo_ u" Wooyoung replied. Once more, Yeosang was disappointed. Not only did he play victim, he also didn't fight for Yeosang. Yeosang finally felt sad, but it wasn't because they were breaking up. It was because for the first time since they became each other's special someone, Yeosang questioned if Wooyoung ever actually wanted this relationship, if he ever loved him.

" _Recently i think our relationship is not what i need right now_ " Yeosang explained. " _We can still be friends, if you want_ "

" _Thats okay Yeosang, you dont have to explain. I know i hadnt treated you right. You deserve better. I want to say something for the last time. Can i?_ "

" _What is it?_ "

" _I love you_ "

" _Thank you Wooyoung_ " Yeosang replied. He couldn't say it back. Not anymore. " _Goodnight_ "

" _Goodnight_ "

Yeosang refused to cry; he didn't for months. He was doing the dishes one day and remembered Wooyoung's sweet smile and soft kisses. The loneliness made Yeosang’s heart ache, and tears started rolling down his cheeks. He missed all that. It was so sweet, so warm, and now left to dust as just memories. Upon hearing footsteps coming into the kitchen, he took a deep breath and hadn’t cried since.

In the car, Yeosang only thought of all the things he did wrong - he, too, didn't talk to Wooyoung about what he felt about the entire situation, and that he approached the break up with fights and bickering. He could have been patient and waited for Wooyoung to train with his entire heart, and finally debut, and become the star he was born to be. It hadn't been a year since the breakup and Wooyoung finally started his training again after renewing his contract. Yeosang doesn't know when Wooyoung will debut but he will be in a few more months, and they're out for their last retreat as trainees before the final push. Because of this Yeosang was glad he ended it; they live in their own worlds now, and things will be different. Things were already different when Yeosang was hearing word of debut and Wooyoung was still on break. It wasn't like the days they lived 5 blocks away from each other, when they had no worries, and love just seems like a dream. It was for the best.

"Right, Yeosang?" Seonghwa called from the front seat. The three waited for Yeosang to reply. Hongjoong poked Yeosang's arm when he didn't, and Yeosang turned, taking out one earbud.

"Daydreaming?" Hongjoong grinned. 

Yeosang laughed slightly. "Yea, kinda."

He looked out again, staring at the scenery _. It's okay,_ he thought to himself. _I'm here where I should be, chasing my dreams. Happiness will come to me in different ways._ And it will.


End file.
